When bedtime is a nightmare – how to create a peaceful pre-sleep routine

If this title caught your attention, let me start by saying “you got this”. Tricky bedtime phases are common, and you are not alone. They can feel looming as that time approaches and leave you fried at the end of your day. And, they can get better. You and your little one can end your day peacefully. Work with your child(ren) as a team. Let them know you want bedtime to be one of the nicest parts of the day and allow them to understand the changes you would like to make so they can look forward to it. Push “the reset button” together and become their “coach” rather than their “opponent”.

No matter what age we are, most of us live in a state of “go-go-go”. We are mentally and physically in motion, and this can create a state of “stress” throughout the day (even if it is just busyness). Then, we lie down in our bed and close our eyes and expect our bodies to sleep. Without a proper transition from this busy, alert state it can be difficult for the body to initiate sleep. The same is true for kids. When this happens, their little bodies may be experiencing overtiredness, a wired feeling, or ruminating thoughts. This can present behaviourally as hyperactivity, tears, anger, chattiness, and resistance. These are my recommendations to create a peaceful pre-sleep routine that will help to cue the body and mind that sleep is coming.

First, why have a routine? Kids thrive on routines because it helps them to know what is coming next when most of the time, they are not in control of this or aware of time. Cognitively a routine will cue them that they are approaching the ‘time for sleep’. But aspects of the routine can also cue the nervous system that it’s time to switch from our sympathetic or “fight or flight” state to our parasympathetic or “rest and digest” state.

Here are aspects to consider:

• Timing – assess if your child’s sleep routine duration and bedtime are age appropriate but also right for your child. Too early or too late can make it difficult to fall asleep. One way to tell is to watch for signs of sleepiness during the routine such as yawning and becoming relaxed. We all have a natural window of time when our body is ready to initiate sleep. If we stay up past this window, we are likely to experience a period of hyperactivity – the same is for our little ones. Getting the timing right can make a big difference in your child’s ability to fall asleep peacefully.
• Cue the Senses – When designing the pre-sleep routine, try to incorporate aspects that involve many senses such as:
  • touch – soft cozy clothing and bedding, cuddles, and back rubs
  • smell – lotions or diffusers with essential oils that calm us like lavender or chamomile
  • sight – low, soft lighting such as lamps rather than overhead lighting
  • sound – soft music or singing the same sleepy song, reading in a quiet voice, white noise
  • connection – the ultimate sense. It is imperative for a child to feel this before sleep. This allows them to feel safe, lay their worries down, and fall asleep in their most restful state. All children deserve love, especially as the last thing they hear and feel before sleep. Take this time to fill their buckets right to the top by letting them know you see them, you love them, and you are grateful for them.

Power down

Although a little screen time in the evening can seem like it’s slowing our kids down or helping to relax them, the light from screens (TV, tablet, computer, smartphones) can contribute to difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep. The light from these devices is an issue for sleep in two ways: light input suppresses our brains release of melatonin (1) which is a hormone involved in maintaining our sleep-wake cycle. It is also blue light which suppresses melatonin for longer than other types of light and shifts our brain activity towards a very alert and busy state. This effect lasts long after the device has been turned off and disrupts the quality of sleep that follows (2). Try to limit screen time overall and schedule it for earlier in the day.

Stay Cool

A cooler room triggers the brain to release melatonin and initiate sleep easier. We don’t want our little ones chilly (especially if they don’t tend to stay under their blankets), the ideal temperature for a room is around 20-21C. Assess pyjamas and bedding as well to make sure your little ones are comfortable, at a cool but cozy temperature, and ready to drift off calmly.

Food as Medicine

Nutritional considerations for kids must include refined sugar intake during the day and especially in the evening. Most children in Canada are consuming as much as 5 times the ideal limit for refined sugar intake, which is to be less than 25g/day. When intake of refined, added sugar is high the body will experience hyperactivity, dysregulation, increased cortisol, and sleep quality will also be affected (3). This can make for a tricky bedtime as well as perpetuate overtiredness and the downward cycle continues. In addition to limiting sugar, you can also consider adding foods that support sleep. Tart cherries are a great choice in the evening as they contain melatonin and tryptophan – a precursor to both of the brain chemicals melatonin and serotonin which are involved in sleep and happiness (4). I also love to use tea as medicine and sleep is no exception. Chamomile is a slightly sweet tasting herb that helps to calm the nerves and lead to an easier bedtime.

Sweet Dreams Smoothie Recipe

1 oz organic tart cherries concentrate
¼ cup unsweetened vanilla vegan/coconut yogurt
¼ cup chamomile tea or Be Calm & Sleep Tea
a spoon of almond butter cinnamon (optional)
*blend and enjoy an hour before bedtime

If you are struggling with bedtime for your child(ren), consider these blocks to help you to build the foundation for a more peaceful end of the day, and more sleep for everyone.